2 days

In 2 days, I will be in the United States. I have been waiting for this day since I first got here, since the second I landed in Madrid. Now, I wish this moment had never come. Living in one place for 6 months...this city isn't something that you can just leave. The people I've met here, the memories I've made, the city itself...I've fallen in love with all of it. I love Madrid. I absolutely love it. In a way, I feel like I'm leaving my life behind. I'm trying my hardest to enjoy what little time I have left, but it's hard not to break down and cry. I haven't done it yet, but I know I will at some point - probably when I'm in the airport.

Most of the people in my program are already in the States. Actually, the people that are left are in my original group, except we're all separated. Angela is in Milan, Nic is either in Sweden or Bilbao, Alim is in Paris with his parents, and Nery is in the U.S. (the first one in our group to leave). Zee just got back from France, and Ariel is still here. Nikki leaves tomorrow morning, and I'm helping her to the airport. It's not that sad seeing her go because we're living together this summer and next year. All I have to say is THANK GOODNESS we go to the same university. Otherwise, we'd be breaking down and crying because we'd miss each other. The only sad (and funny) thing is, Nikki and I have the exact same flights at the exact same times to the exact same places with the exact same airlines...only our flights are a day apart. We both leave at 12:40pm with Iberia, pass through London, and fly to LAX on British Airways, except that she flies on the 1st and I fly on the 2nd. Bummer.

Tomorrow is my last day in Madrid, and the sad thing is that I have no idea what to do. I've been here for 6 months, so I feel like I've already done everything at least 2 or 3 times. I'm kind of bored right now, which i kind of why I'm writing this. I want to call up people to ask what they're doing, but I feel like I'm bugging them or something. I send them a message on Facebook or a text and they never respond. Whatever.

I think the one thing that's making me super excited to go home is the fact that when I leave the baggage claim in Tom Bradley, I'll see my parents waiting for me in the gigantic crowd of people. I know they'll both be happy. My mom will probably cry, and my dad will probably have watery eyes - that's usually what happens. In one sense, I'm so so excited to see my friends again, and I'm actually really excited for summer school. I'm pumped to work hard and raise my GPA before real life begins. 

One thing I'm not looking forward to is the lack of change. Sometimes when you talk to people back home, they're like, "Oh don't worry. Nothing really changed, everything will be the same here when you come back." Umm that's the problem. My friends and I have talked about this a lot. We feel like we're so different and changed from our time abroad, and when we go home everything will be the same. It's kind of like, we're wondering how and where we'll fit in. The thing is, I don't want everything to be the same. I'm kind of hoping that everything will be different in a way.

Also, I'm kind of bummed because Nikki and I had a goodbye lunch with Maru at 2:30 at a restaurant/bar around the corner, and I'm STILL stuffed. Paella, beef, fries, natilla, and wine - SO much food. I don't know what to do. I packed all of the workout stuff, so I can't go running. If I did, the clothes would stink up my whole suitcase. So now I feel bloated and fat. Bloated, fat, and bored. Plus, it's 93 degrees outside and it's almost 9pm. Sad day.

Also, I'm a little worried about my suitcase...I hope it's not overweight. I didn't really bring a whole lot with me, so I think the extra weight is coming from the souvenirs...and 90% of them are souvenirs for you people, so be happy! :) Being an English major, I like books. The problem is, majority of the weight is coming from my books, PLUS the schoolwork that we have to keep. In my backpack/carry-on I have my laptop, 3 readers, a workbook, a Spanish-English dictionary (the fat orange one), at least 5-7 other books, and a fat Spanish-English Bible, as well as my notes and homework from the last 6 months. I'm going to DIE. At least I'll have plenty to read in the airport...

This also sounds kind of silly, but I'm really excited about the 11 hour flight to LA. I love airplanes and flying. Well, I ran out of things to ramble about. Basically the point of this post was to work out my feelings about leaving because they're very bi-polar. On one hand, I want to stay in Madrid and Europe forever, but on the other, I want to go home now. There's so much I have to deal with when I get back - school, signing the lease to my apartment, finding sub-leasers so I don't let $1240 go down the drain for an apartment I'm not even occupying, finding a job...there's only so much I can do via email and the internet.

Ok well, that's all I have to say for now. To sum this post up in 2 words: I'm sad.