prayer request

It's 7am here. Tomorrow I have 2 finals. The next day I have a final and an essay. The next day I will spend the whole time doing another essay for Thursday, when I will have another final. Then I will work on my last essay due a couple days after that. I have to pay my host mom for the month of May. I need to exercise. I don't have time to exercise because I need to study. I feel fat. I feel flat and bloated. I have to pay for my trip to Italy. I have to make sure the place we're staying in Italy is reserved. I need a place to stay in SB next year. I need to make sure we really want the apartment we're looking at. We can't physically look at it because we're in Spain. We need to grab it before someone else does. I've been annoyed with my host mom, I don't want to be in the house. I need to study. I need to get good grades because my parents will kill me. I have no motivation whatsoever.

Those are the thoughts running around in my head right now. The thing is, school is the thing that's giving me the least stress out of all of these. It's the money problems and the problems with my host mom that's making me cry and go crazy. I can't even count how many times Nikki and I have cried because of the stress. Those things seem so big that school and these little final tests seem so small in the scheme of things. I find myself thinking, Why should I care about these tests? What does it matter? Even if I get an A, I may not have money. Then I can't eat and I'll starve and die. Who cares about an A if you know you're going to die?

Not dramatic at all, right? Because I'm NEVER dramatic. (That was sarcasm for those of you don't know me well enough.) I know I won't starve, obviously, and I know God will work everything out in the end, but I can't help stressing about it. I think I transferred all my stress from finals into the running out of money/Maru situation. So right now I sit here on my computer typing this blog, trying to make myself study for my 2 finals tomorrow. I don't even have any motivation to drink the cup of coffee beside me. I'd rather just sit in the chair and stare at the wall (which is what I did 10 minutes ago actually).

So if you read this blog anytime soon, please pray for me. I'm saying my favorite Bible verse to myself and praying, but it's taking a while to kick in. In the middle of my prayers, I start thinking about other stuff because I'm worried and I end up forgetting what I'm praying about. Ironic, right? Well I'm gonna go take a shower and hopefully clear my head or wake myself up or something. I don't know, I have to do something.

Well thanks for listening to me rant :) Only one more week and I never have to go to Carlos III again. Right now, I'm ready to go back to SB. I'm ready to go home.