mis pensamientos

Maru y sus gatos - Hilda y Berta

So before coming to Madrid, I knew I was getting a host family, and I was super super excited. When I had gone to Mexico, I was worried about staying with a host family, and that was when I thought I would be with Shayne and Ann. Turned out, we all had our own host homes, and it turned out to be fantastic - and I'm absolutely sure that that experience prepared me for Spain. I didn't worry too much about this particular thing because I knew I would get someone perfect for me...and I did, thanks to God.

Here are some of the many things I love about Maru, my host mom, and mi casa aquí en España:

• She has 2 cats.
• She actually lets me into the kitchen, and I help her cook and clean.
• She gives me independence - she's not on my back all the time.
• She follows a Mediterranean diet, which means she likes fish, fruits, vegetables, and other healthy food.
• She actually uses a real coffeemaker, while everyone else I know is forced to drink instant coffee = gross.
• She gave me a converter. The one I brought was wrong and is useless.
• She's crazy and likes to joke around.
• She wants to correct my homework and my essays.
• She corrects my mistakes when I speak Spanish incorrectly. This is my favorite.
• She lets me go food shopping with her so that she gets what I like.
• Her house is COOL, and she has her own balcony overlooking all of Madrid.
• We live 10 minutes away (walking) from Sol. That's the equivalent of living next to Times Square in New York. AWESOME.
• She lets me take as many showers as I want - she said she doesn't care, as long as I'm clean...and don't stink.
• She washes my clothes at least once or twice a week.
• She's always smiling.

 Some of my meals at home:
 

Looks good, huh? She gives me at least some type of vegetable with every dinner, and she wants me to eat fruit at least twice a day. I'm totally okay with that. I've found that right now I'm in love with oranges - they're so sweet here. Also, she bought me a huge mango, and it was probably one of the sweetest mangoes I've ever eaten. Love.

I think the only things I don't like about Madrid  are that my family and friends aren't here to enjoy it with me, and that everyone smokes. Seriously, don't Europeans know they're all going to get lung cancer and die? They're slowly killing their children. Also right now I don't like my Cine class. Apart from that, the pros outweigh the cons by a lot. California is still my home, but I LOVE Madrid. LOVE ♥

new friends, new adventures

Left side: Nikki, Angela, Nereyda (Nery), Me
Right side: Nic, Ariel, Alim, Zee

Hello, everyone! I know it's been a little while since I blogged, but I've been busy (and a little lazy). I know my last post was a little depressing (again), but don't worry, I'm fine. Just treat those posts as mood swings lol. Truth is, I do miss home and my family, but I love it here and I have a group of awesome friends.

There are 28 UC students in our program (25 of whom are girls), and we all kind of split off into groups after the first week. At first it was just Angela, Nikki, and me, and then we decided that we needed guys, so we stole the only 3 guys in the program. With only girls it can get too sorority. Most of the time we have our little group of 8 people, and sometimes Will joins in - a guy in another Carlos III program we met randomly in a bar. They're all really fun, really nice, and like to joke around. I have a lot of fun with them, and we're getting to know each other very well little by little. I have at least one of them in every one of my classes, so we can get lunch, and we go out together on weekends.

One of our conversations in an Army Museum we went to:

"This sword looks like the one from the Lord of the Rings."

"Like Aragorn's sword?"

"Omg I love the LOTR! You do too?"

"Yeah! Oh my gosh."

"I have the soundtrack on my iPod too..."

"Me too!!!"

"I know, me too! I listen to it when I walk around campus."

"Yeah, it makes everything so epic."

That's why we're friends. 

At O'Donnell's Irish Pub
Zee, Angela, Alim, Me, Nikki, Ariel

We've done so many things together - gone to discotecas, hung out in bars and had tapas, and eaten in random cheap places we find. It's fun.

To my parents: Don't worry, it's not all fun, I do attend school too :) I finally got my final schedule of classes that I'm going to take:

Literatura del siglo de oro

Cuento (short stories)

Literatura hispanoamericana

Lengua avanzada (language/grammar class)

Cine (film)

I'm excited! This week is our first actual real week of classes where we're all enrolled. Last week we just attended to try them out to see if we want to take them. So far my favorite class is Literatura del siglo de oro. Apparently it's one of the hardest classes because of the amount of reading, but the time passes by so fast. It's all about literature and history, and the teacher is amazing. He's really easy to understand and is passionate about what he's talking about. Plus he walks around a lot, sits in random places, uses hand motions, and makes weird noises lol. It's entertaining.

La biblioteca

My least favorite so far would have to be Cine. It's SO BORING. It's 3 1/2 hours long, and there's so much content. Even Angela and Ariel (who are film majors) said that she was going super fast. She seems nice enough. I mean, last class, I was really tired and had allergies or something and literally had to blow my nose every 5-10 minutes and was sneezing constantly. It was miserable. Hopefully the coming weeks get better. Well that's it for now, in the next post I'll tell you all about my trip to Toledo :) Hasta luego! 

Ready for school :)

The courtyard

Cafeteria building

Me and Nery

homesick

I'm over it. I want to go back home.

That's how I'm feeling right now. I know I just got here, and that Spain will take some time getting used to, but this is a blog to show I'm feeling right now...not how I should be feeling. So here I go.

First of all, I feel like there's something missing. I don't know what it is, but I feel off...weird somehow. It's probably because I need Jesus or something, but whatever...

Second, my stomach is always hurting in some way. Either my stomach isn't used to the food (I went to a Bible study and they had Chinese food = stomachache), or I don't eat lunch. I have no idea how much money I should be spending. The exchange rate between the dollar and euro is better than it has been, but it's still horrible. I don't know what kind of budget I'm working with or how much I have to spend...so for now I'd rather be a little hungry than run out of money. That happened the last time I was in Europe...not good.

Third, Spain makes me feel stupid. I have this thing where I'm nervous around Spanish-speakers. I don't know why, but I need to know that the grammar will be correct before I say something. When I speak to someone, I'm instantly intimidated and say things wrong anyway. Sometimes it takes so long to think of what to say that I pause, and they repeat themselves because I pause for too long. I understood them perfectly, but suddenly I forget how to say, "Yes, I understood you." I know I can speak Spanish better than this, but for now my Spanish is absolutely horrible. Like today, my professor was speaking to me and I forgot how to say nine. NINE.

Fourth, to make friends, you need to be social. Here, social = going out at night/clubbing. I like going dancing, it's a lot of fun! I wouldn't want to go every day though. Here, everyone goes out every night from Thursday night to Sunday night, going bar-hopping or clubbing. I don't have money for that. Sometimes I just want to sit at home and do nothing. but if I did that, I wouldn't have friends. Problem.

Fifth, there's no gym. Sad.

Also, why does everyone have a million dollars?? It seems like everyone wants to travel every weekend. I'd like to do that too, but I don't have that kind of money. I actually want to take the harder classes with a ton of reading so I will have something to do while everyone else is traveling.

Lastly, I miss friends who are content doing nothing. With some friends, I can sit with them for hours, doing nothing, saying nothing, and it's not awkward or boring. I feel like everything here is go, go, go. There's the feeling that we're in Spain, and we should be taking advantage of every second, since our parents (or financial aid) are paying thousands of dollars for us to be here. They didn't pay that money for us to lay down on our beds in the middle of Madrid and do nothing...well that's the feeling I get.

I know I'm blessed to be here. I had so many doors close to have one finally open. But I'm scared. I'm scared I'll let my parents down because they paid thousand of dollars for nothing...or that I misunderstood the program and either might have to go home early or pay some more money (which actually may have happened by the way...). either way, it's more money.

Who invented money anyway?

El Kapital

1/19/12

The Metro at Sol

Today we didn't have to be at the school at 8 in the morning yay! I got there at about 12 where we listened to the remaining presentations from the professors. Somehow the classes weren't as interesting as yesterday's, but I finally have an idea of what I want to take. Hopefully I actually get all the classes I want. After that, I took my oral exam. We were all assigned to various professors throughout the day to meet with them for 5 minutes in their office. They would ask us questions about ourselves, why we're in Spain, and what we want to do in the future. The main purpose is to evaluate our Spanish level again. I met with this one lady who was really nice, and truthfully those few sentences have been the most Spanish I've spoken since we've gotten here.

Since I arrived in Spain, I found that I have had trouble speaking. I wasn't sure if it was because I haven't really practiced for a while or if I'm just not actually good in Spanish. Then it hit me that I've been thinking in English and translating it into Spanish, which is a horrible way to do things since things don't always translate. When I spoke to the professor, I thought in Spanish and did pretty well! Too bad I didn't do that well in the written test. Turns out, I was placed in the avanzado or advanced class. Don't get too excited, it's only the 2nd level out of 4. There's intermedio, avanzado, avanzado alto, and superior. I don't care, I just want to learn. Being an English major, I do have a strange love for grammar (although mine isn't always correct). One of the problems I have with Spanish, besides being extremely nervous about conversing with Spanish speakers, is not speaking because I know I'll say it wrong. I'm trying to change that though.

Me with Angela and Nereyda

Well after school, I went with Angela and Nereyda to Sol to shop. The best stuff ended up being at H&M. It's good quality stuff, but it is a little expensive. We also went to this shoe store to get some boots, and everything was really cheap because they're liquidating or something. I ended up getting some nice boots for 6.90 Euro, which isn't bad for boots. Then we went back to our homes to eat dinner. What I love about my homestay is that Maru actually lets me into the kitchen and lets me help her cook. I had a nice little dinner, and then I rested for a bit because tonight, we were hitting the club :)

So the club has 6 floors! The first floor is the huge dance floor that plays contemporary music (a little more fun to dance to than the 80's music in Mexico, although that was fun too). It was so cool because since there are a lot of people dancing, it gets pretty hot in there. Every once in a while, they have these things that shoot out a huge jet stream of thick mist to cool everybody off. The second floor was a karaoke bar, so I felt right at home. The next floor was a smaller dance floor that played R&B music, and the 4th floor had a lot of seating where it was quieter and could talk. The 6th floor was a big room where there was a fountain, lounge chairs, and softer music so that you could just hang out, and many people smoked.

6th floor of El Kapital

In Madrid, the clubbers make people in the U.S. seem like amateurs in a way because they stay out until 6am. 6 AM! When I first heard that, I was like these people are crazy, how can they stay up for that long? Actually, it's pretty easy when you're having fun. We even met other people from our program. They were trying to speak Spanish to me, and after a while I finally said, "I speak English. I'm American too." They laughed, and we found out they were at Carlos the III too. Angela and I were dancing, and when we looked at the clock it was 5am, and we were surprised at how fast the time went by. The Metro opens again at 6, so we went outside to get away from the smoke and took the Metro home. Overall, it was a fun night.

Mis padres, if you are reading this, don't worry. This was a Thursday night, and we don't have class on Fridays. I will focus on my schoolwork lol. Also, Madrid is the capital, but it is safer than most big cities. In New York or L.A., you could get shanked, but it is safer in Madrid. Anyways. That was probably one of the craziest nights ever...but also crazy fun :)

Carlos III

1/18/11

Today was my first day at Carlos III University. It started off with me waking up a 6:20 to walk to Sol to catch the cercania or train. I have to say, at first I was afraid to make my 10 minute walk in the pitch-black morning to Sol, but it turns out that I had nothing to worry about. I thought maybe there would be creepers roaming about looking for female prey, but the only other people I saw were college students, probably on their way to take their morning classes.

Traveling from Sol to the school isn't hard (I just have to take 1 train all the way there), but I was glad that I didn't have to travel alone my first day. We have a little Carlos III group on Facebook, and we found out that a few of us lives near and around Sol so we decided to travel together. I met Angela, Nayely, and Ariel (not the mermaid...this one's a guy). On the 20 minute train ride we got to know each other a little better. Angela and Nayely go to UC Berkeley (most of the students do), and Ariel goes to UC Riverside. They're all really nice. We got to Las Margaritas in Getafe where the school is located, and we were supposed to find a parking lot. We got off and all we saw was darkness. There was a creepy man standing by the wall, and beyond there was a dark field next to a wall covered with graffiti. For a while we didn't know what to do. Then the train finally moved, and we could see the opposite side - where the parking lot is. We crossed to the other side and followed the signs to Carlos III.

At 8:15 we met the rest of our group at this big red sculpture in the middle of the school courtyard, where we met Rocio, who is in charge of our program. She gave us our I.D. cards, and Martha (who is a graduate of Carlos III) gave us a tour around campus. Compared to UCSB, this campus is SMALL. It took us less than an hour for her to show us around. They have some nice facilities, and they even have a brand new gym with state-of-the-art systems, a spa, sauna, swimming pool, and tennis and soccer fields. I was thinking, "Yay, I can actually exercise!" when I found out that as a student I get a discount, but I have to pay every single time I want to use the gym. So everyone at UCSB: appreciate your gym and use it...because it's free. I have to pay. Sad day.

Next we got our UC3M (when I say this it means Universidad Carlos III Madrid) email accounts, and of course I had problems. We had to enter our passport number, and right before I came to Spain I got a new passport but I had registered with the old one. So I had to wait until I got home to actually get an email account and hunt down my old passport number.

Then death happened. We had to take our written tests. Everyone has to take language classes, and we take tests to place us in people who are about in the same level language-wise. We had to write a few short paragraphs and take a multiple choice grammar test. I haven't really focused on Spanish grammar intensely since last summer, so I had forgotten some things. It was a little difficult, but I'm just glad it's over.

After lunch, we then had lunch at one of the cafeterias, and the food is surprisingly cheap. You can get a sandwich for 1 to 2 Euros. It may not get you stuffed, but if you want to save money it will tide you over until dinner. Then we went to a reception where they had fancy glasses of refrescos, in this case Fanta and Coca-Cola, as well as water, little sandwiches, and sweet cookie things. There we had a chance to mingle with the other 200 students from the U.S. in our program and meet some of the professors. Then we made our way to the auditorium and heard presentations from the professors about all the courses we could take. They said what they were about and what kind of work it would require. I loved getting the presentations because I can see which professor speaks a million miles an hour and which one has a lisp so ridiculous I can't understand him. Also it was nice because the courses that I previously would never have taken looked interesting after the presentation so that was cool.

Overall, it was a nice first day, and it was really nice getting to know my fellow students better. At the hotel, we were one big group of students and it was bit daunting, but getting to talk to them in tiny groups is a lot easier. I just want school to start already so I can get a routine down! Yay school.

beer, groceries, and shrimp with beady eyes

1/17/11

Ok, I know my last post was a little depressing. For those of you that think that I'm in a corner by myself crying or going through life feeling sorry for myself, don't worry I'm fine. I was just having a sad moment on a hard day. I told you I wouldn't leave anything out. I mostly just needed to vent. Shiesh.

So, I shall continue. After I wrote my blog, most of us went out to dinner. One of the guys Nick showed us around the area, and we ended up going to this small market. Alim, another guy, and I ended up eating these little empanadas de atun or tuna empanadas. They were pretty good. They gave it to us at a counter on china plates, and we pay after we're done. I was really surprised. They're really trusting to think that the people wouldn't leave or run away and not pay. Actually we had to wait a while before we could flag the guy down to pay.

The next day after breakfast, we met our host families. Everyone was so nervous! I was kind of excited though. Everything worked out wonderfully in Mexico, and I felt prepared to live with a complete stranger for a few months. We were waiting for our families, and this lady was calling my name. I raised my hand, and she said apellido and asked what my last name was. I said Mooshoolzadeh, and once she heard it she laughed and was like yup that's it haha. We went outside, and she led me to the Metro. She lived only 3 or 4 stops away. We got off at Lavapies, which is the name of our barrio.

I was expecting to see Europeans everywhere, and the first guy that got on the elevator with us was black. He was joking with us and saying he's from Spain, but he's actually from Senegal. We walked further and I saw Asians. We walked further and there were middle-eastern people. I was like what the heck, where am I? Then Maru (my host mom) explained that we live in the multicultural part of Madrid (YES!) where a lot of international people live. There are Turkish and Pakistani restaurants everywhere. When I was walking, there were more black people than white people, which was kind of fun to observe.

Then we came to the house. The thing about Madrid is that it is literally ALL apartment houses, some being situated above stores. I have not seen one single house since I've been here. We arrived at a white building, and we went through 2 iron gates and took the elevator.  The cool thing is, she lives on the 4th piso (which would be the 5th floor in the U.S.), which is the top floor. There wasn't a button for 4, but she pulled out another key, put it in a slot, and turned it to the right. Automatically the elevator went up to the top and opened up to our front door. It was so cool!

The door opened to cats. She has 2 - Hilda and Bertha. Yes, my host mom is a crazy cat lady. Seriously, she is. She is a little crazy but in a good way. We get along well :P She calls us her bombones. She is really nice. I have my own room and everything and a bathroom I can use for myself. I have a big closet, and a little reading lamp above my bed. It's so cozy at night, I love it. There is another spare room, kitchen, dining area, and living room. There are stairs that lead to the top floor, which is her bedroom. From there, there are double doors to a private balcony that has an amazing view that overlooks all over Madrid. She said I could come up there if I want to study or read or something :)

View from La Casa de Granada

Omnomnom

She was really nice and told me how to get to school in the morning using the cercania or train and the Metro. She literally walked me through everything and helped me by my tickets. She then treated me to lunch in this restaurant called Casa de Granada. It is on the top floor of its building, and we sat on the outside so we could look at the amazing view while we ate. I got a cerveza con limón, and we had tapas with a seafood platter of calamari, sardines, octopus, and shark. It was SO GOOD. We introduced ourselves more, and it was fun...and she corrects my Spanish!! I was really happy. I didn't realize I poor my Spanish was until she started correcting me.

Our last stop was the market. She was really gracious in that she asked what foods I liked, and we went shopping together so that she could make sure she cooked what I liked. If you know me, you know that I love food, and I'll pretty much take anything. While we were shopping, she was asking me, "Te gusta Coca-Cola? Te gusta Oreos? Te gusta arroz con leche?" In my mind, I was like what kind of questions are those. Of course I like them. I'd be crazy not to like them.

I got to unpack and relax, and that night I met Maru's best friend Elisa. We picked up Elisa's parents and headed to a bar. We had ordered beers (again), and they set down 2 plates of shrimp, and I was like daaaang it. This is the kind of shrimp that still had a shell and has the black beady little eyes. Filipinos eat 15 tons of this stuff at every party, and since I was little I always stayed away because I don't like the food looking at me before I eat it. I didn't want to be food, so I had to eat it. It was really good, except the little antennae getting in my drink was really gross. It was fun listening to them talk, and it was very amusing because they have opposite political views and are both passionate. I had no idea what they were talking about but it was fun seeing them pound on the table.

So that was my first day in my host home, and tomorrow I go to Carlos III for the first time. Yay!

down in the dumps

1/16/11

It’s been a while since I’ve felt this alone. I’m surrounded by the people in my program (well, strangers) but I feel like I’m starting to distance myself. I think I just need to get used to this temporary new life, but right now I just want to lay down on my bed and sleep. To be honest, I have no desire to be best friends with them. I feel super uncomfortable because of the language barrier and have hardly spoken any Spanish yet. I have no desire to connect with any of my peers, and I just found out that most of the people asked to have a roommate while I requested to be alone.

                When I was in the Trek, I was in a host home unexpectedly by myself which forced me to be braver and try the language, and it turned out to be one of my best experiences. But this is now. It’s a different country on the other side of the planet, 5 months longer than the Mexico trip, and I know absolutely no one.

This all reminds me of orientation in the Trek, when we learned different way in how a person can respond to a situation, specifically immersion into a new culture. It didn’t feel like it applied to me then because I felt comfortable. I knew Haley and Shayne, and it was only 6 weeks. Also, everyone thought I was Mexican so I could blend into the background. I’m in Spain until June 2^nd. I feel like I’m forcing myself to go as far outside my comfort zone as possible, and I don’t know if that’s good or bad. The downside to not having a roommate is that I won’t be as close to the people in my group, and I have to find my way to the University from Madrid alone at 7am in the morning – and here it is pitch black at that time. I wanted to be alone with a host family because I wanted to be close to them – and I don’t think I can do that the same way with another person. Plus sometimes I think I work better alone. As far as studying, there’d be no distractions. I’d have more freedom to do stuff I want – go to church or attend a Bible study.

                What I miss most: a Christian community. This is literally the first time that I haven’t been surrounded by Christians or had at least 1 or 2 Christian friends. I’ve had that my entire life, and it has suddenly been stripped from me. Maybe that’s why I feel so alone and weird. I mean, I know God’s always there and everything. It’s just that I forget sometimes because I can’t see or physically touch Him. Hopefully I can connect with GBU (the Spanish InterVarsity) because I seriously need at last 1 other person. I had prayed for a Christian host family and asked for one on the paper, but I don’t know if that’s possible. In my mind I concocted a perfect host family – it would be a young married couple who are heavily involved in their church. They would be worship leaders in their church and would have a piano in the living room. They would love visitors, the woman would be glad to teach me how to cook, and they would take me to a Real Madrid game.

                Silly, isn’t it? I know I’m setting up expectations that are way too high, but I can dream can’t I? Right now as I type this I’m sitting at a wooden desk in the dark with only a small lamp to light my keyboard, and listening to my iPod while Madeleine and her best friend take a nap before dinner. The funny (or pathetic – whatever you want to think) thing about all this is that this has been my happiest moment so far. I’m writing. I’m talking to God. I’m listening to music. I’m doing what I love.

                Some of you may think I’m a baby and may say, “Ohmygosh you’re so lucky, stop complaining, I want to punch you right now.” I don’t really care. This blog is for me as much as it is for you. It is a place where I will share about and record my trip to Europe – which includes all my emotional and spiritual stresses. I actually have time to blog (unlike my Mexico trip), so what I type will not always be all happy-go-lucky. I want this blog to be real, and I’m sorry if I rant or bore you. Actually, I don’t even know if anyone is going to read this, but in my mind it is a place where I can work out my thoughts and emotions. Writing is how I can let go. Some of my writings will be sad, some mad, furious, excited, boring, spiritual, emotional. Real.

                Welcome to my blog.

on my way

1/15/11

                I can’t believe I’m on my way to Spain. I’m really excited but I’m kind of nervous because I don’t know what’s going to happen. If I had more info, I may have been more comfortable. Part of me can’t wait for the flight back home because I won’t have to worry about anything then.

                Well, this morning I woke up at about 5:20am, and by 6:30 we were on the road. We got to Terminal 4 at LAX, and after it took a while to find the right line, I finally got my ticket. I have to say, the ladies working weren’t very helpful. Mommy ended up scolding one lady that she wasn’t telling us the right thing (she was…but was incapable of explaining it – language barrier?). I walked up to another lady and said, “Excuse me, I have a question.” She then waved her hand and said, “Go over there,” and she turned away. I wanted to punch her. Finally, my dad came and we figured it out. If you want people to help you, don’t use American Airlines.

                I said goodbye to my parents, and yes I did cry. The thought that I wouldn’t see them until June made me sad. Once inside, I traded my $300 for 205 Euro. Yay less money. Then I had my last U.S. meal – a Starbucks fruit and yogurt parfait and coffee. It was almost time to board when they changed my gate. The sad thing is that I was so engrossed in my book that I didn’t even hear the gate-change announcement. It wasn’t until everybody got up and started walking away when I figured I probably missed something.

                My plane was an hour late, and I would have been extremely bored if the guy next to me didn’t start talking to me. First we did the small talk, and then we started talking about our high schools. Apparently he played football and says if he didn’t get hurt, he would probably be playing for the NFL. He was the typical jock. Seriously it was scary. He had blond hair and green eyes, was tall, was from Wisconsin, didn’t get to play football because he didn’t pass Algebra 2, and he was wearing a red sweater and track pants, a green Jansport backpack, and a sweatband on his head.

                I mentioned I went up to Calculus, and he said he thought I did look kind of smart being Asian and all. I was like, “You think I’m Asian??” I was really happy that for once someone actually got my race right. He said I looked mixed, and he guessed Filipino. Then I said I was Assyrian, which led to a conversation about ancient tortures. It was random. Then again, he is super random. His name is Dack (I’ve never heard that name either), he told me he was born in Wisconsin but conceived in Italy, and he randomly said, “My mom’s name is ---.” He talked about how the spots or patterns on our faces were the same. Interesting. Anyway, it was nice talking to someone, anyone.

                We finally boarded, and on the plane I sat next to a Spanish lady named Carmen Buchanan who lives in the U.S. with her American husband but is going to Spain for the cremation of a family member. She was really nice! She put my bag up in the compartment for me, and she was just a ball of energy. She’s one of those super nice people who have tons of energy and likes to talk. She saw me reading a Spanish magazine and started speaking to me in Spanish, so I got to practice a bit with her. When we landed in Chicago, she bought me a huge water bottle and was going to buy me any food I wanted, but I said no.  Fifteen minutes after we landed, we were boarding onto our flight to Spain. It’s a good thing she was next to me because for some reason, my gate number was not printed on my ticket. Weird.

                She boarded before me, and I took in my surroundings while waiting. Most of the people were college students, with their backpacks, scarves, and shiny leather boots. Most of them seemed to know each other. I had a faint idea of what Madeleine looked like (the girl from my program that would be on my flight), but there were so many people that I gave up. Then his random girl stood next to me in line, and she seemed to be alone too. I asked her if everyone was studying abroad, and I eventually found out that she was doing my program too. Yup – it was Madeleine. Jesus. I was originally going to take the Metro by myself (if it’s anything like the one in Mexico, a baby could figure it out), but she was taking a taxi so we decided to share.

                We landed at 8am, and the sky was literally pitch black. I thought 8am meant daytime. Well we got to the taxi, and the guy was pretty nice, telling us a little about Madrid. The car reeked of cigarette smoke , and  the ribbon on his rearview mirror had the colors of the Spanish flag with pictures of marijuana leaves on it. Also he said joder a lot and the song on his CD screamed out puta every once in a while (Sorry if I offended anyone who actually knows what those words mean). Well we got to the hotel safe and sound in the rain, and we checked in. Turns out, Madeleine was my roommate at the hotel too. Coincidence? I think not. Jesus :)

almost there

One week until I go to Spain. ONE WEEK. Oh my goodness. I can't believe that the moment I have been looking forward to since last spring is almost here. Don't get me wrong, I am super super excited and so thankful. It's just that the closer I get, the more I have doubts about going.

Truth is, I'm kind of scared out of my mind. I'm excited about the journey itself, but I'm nervous about speaking Spanish. I'm nervous about making friends. I'm nervous about being in a strange city. I'm SUPER nervous about failing in my studies. I'm scared that I'll fall further away from God.

You probably think I'm a crazy person right now. Apparently God did too. Unexpectedly, He led me to an article in Brio, a magazine I used to get when I was younger. I'd like to share it with you now.

Still, Small Voice

God speaks in all sorts of ways. Sometimes He reveals His will to us by an impression. Sometimes He speaks by an inner voice. Sometimes we can hear Him speaking through the voice of a stranger, a friend, the words of a song, a thought from a book, a verse of Scripture.

God's Voice

Stills you

Leads you

Reassures you

Enlightens you

Encourages you

Comforts you

Calms you

Convicts you

Satan's Voice

Rushes you

Pushes you

Frightens you

Confuses you

Discourages you

Worries you

Obsesses you

Condemns you

So apparently I've been listening to the wrong voice. I've been obsessing about my worries, and those fears that I developed confused me because I was so excited about this trip. Instead of comfort, I had worry. In a way this was very familiar to me because one of my biggest problems is worrying. I worry and worry about the outcome instead of trusting in the Person in control of the outcome.

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." (Philippians 4:6-7)

My favorite verses :) Now instead of worrying, I just remember this article and remember that God is trying to comfort me, reassure me, encourage me, and lead me. I just have to listen to the right voice.